I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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