If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize