this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
