You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
