Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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