You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
