FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
