He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That reminds me...we need to get swords
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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