Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
