No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
