does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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