You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
