It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
