Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
