im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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