He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
