guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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