In America we eat man semen.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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