im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
