Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
