you guys were way drunker than both of me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
