sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
