I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
