I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
