That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
