All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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