Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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