I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
