It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
