okay pat passed out under dana's car
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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