in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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