break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
