So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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