They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize