my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
