After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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