Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
