We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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