I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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