Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
