I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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