I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize