Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
