i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
