I just saw a hot homeless man
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
