I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
