The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
