I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have tasted many bathrooms
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