Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
