please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
