you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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