I smell stomach acid.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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