Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
