That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
