Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Couch. On fire.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
