i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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