I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
