They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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