she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
