You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
