Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
