I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
