i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
